Can You Hear Me Now?
by GeorgeWilliamB
Summary: It's a well known fact that after the ascention, the Commander gains the memories of the previous Commanders. It's a well known fact that the previous Commanders will come to the new Commander in dreams, Its not well known, that the Commander would gain a new skill, a skill that lets Lexa listen to the thoughts of others.
1. Chapter 1

The Commander.

It was a coveted title. A brand, and a curse. One which Lexa was all too familiar with.

The stories about the Commander's legacy were tales of legends and myths, exaggerated by children and feared by adults. As a nightblood, Lexa was fortunate enough to be trusted with the secrets, and the knowledge of knowing where the legends ended and the myths began. Unfortunately, as an adult, this knowledge did nothing to stop the fear of the Commander's legacy, her legacy, and all that was yet to come.

The ascension was only the beginning of Lexa's journey. Over the years to come, the newly placed Commander's spirit would lead Lexa to new heights, new skills and a new understanding of who she was supposed to become.

The Commander was a façade, a mask which Lexa was destined to wear.

She may have had years to get used to the idea, but it didn't make it easier to acknowledge. Her body was changing, trying catch up with the decades of memories left by the previous Commander's who still spoke to her.

She knew what was coming, that these two legends were to be true.

She knew that the first part of her change was the memories. Years and years of mistakes, of trials and tribulations burnt in her mind, left as a tool to learn from.

She knew that the second part was the voices who spoke in dreams, a way of communication between the past and present.

What she didn't know is that soon, the voices wouldn't just be heard in her dreams. The voices wouldn't just be the previous Commander's, but anyone's who struck fear and showed leadership, a potential threat.

A heads up would have been nice, just a sign, something to say that the myths, the unconfirmed, wasn't a myth at all.

The first voice she heard when she wasn't asleep in her chamber shocked her to her core. It was only supposed to be a simple meeting, a brief discussion between the ambassadors, reporting on recent trade of stocks when she heard the deep rumble, groaning about the Floukru and how they were, yet again, running out of supplies.

She ignored the voice, not thinking anything of it, it wasn't the first time the ambassadors were in a disagreement and she knew it wouldn't be the last. However, when she realised that this voice, this obvious disapproving voice, was not being argued with, it sparked her interest.

Why wasn't anyone speaking up? The voice was uncalled for and out of place, she knew for a fact that the Floukru would not stand for anyone speaking poorly on their gains, or lack thereof, yet there was nothing.

She heard it again, the same voice, it was mumbled but clear this time. A male, well at least that ruled out half of the room.

Whoever it was, was still complaining about the Floukru and their excuses on why they didn't hit their quota. Something which Lexa really should be addressing, however she couldn't bring herself to care, not when she couldn't figure out where this voice was coming from. There was no one else speaking, no one hiding in the corners and no one behind her. Why was it so hard to see who the voice belonged to?

She continued looking around the room confused. She wasn't going mad, was she? She was certain that she heard the voice, its not something that she would make up, surely?

But if she didn't make this up, if she wasn't going mad, then why couldn't she see where the voice was coming from?

The voice continued speaking, only this time, he chose to mock Lexa and her silence.

 _"_ _Disha branwoda should not be Heda, goufa."_

She sat up abrupty, whoever it was would pay for calling her a child. She scoured the room, looking for any sort of indication of who it could be.

 _"_ _Goufa, listen to your elders. Were you not taught respect?"_

She had had enough of this foolery, "em pleni!" She stood up, gracefully pulling the coat around herself as she walked to the balcony, "we shall adjourn for the night. Floukru, you shall send a message back to your clan, strengths are to be doubled or we will not rely on your contributions anymore."

The ambassadors said their goodbyes to Lexa's stern back as they left the room, Titus, her trusty advisor was the only one left.

"Heda, what happened in there?" She heard him, but chose to not answer the question. In all honestly, she had no idea.

What did happen in there?

She rubbed her temples as she looked over Polis. It never ceased to amaze her that all of this, as far as the eye could see, was hers.

She was the Commander. She was in charge.

Yet she was slowly going crazy, she had to be, what other explanation could there be?

Titus stepped out beside her, joining her appreciation of the view in front, "Heda?"

Again, she chose not to answer him. Could she trust herself not to say anything? Obviously her body was playing tricks on her right now, who's to say she would be able to answer a simple question for a simple man?

She briefly glanced over to him, raising a eyebrow in question, a silent invitation for him to continue speaking.

"Is everything okay, Heda?"

She smiled politely at him indicating that it was but no, everything was not okay. However admitting that was weakness, something she was not.

She looked back over the city, it truly was spectacular, the views, the sounds and smells. It was home to her, she had always felt safe here, at peace. Was that all about to change? No, surely not. She was over thinking everything, she was tired, she had been working for nearly 10 years without a break. It was no wonder that her body wasn't being cooperative. With that in mind, she decided to retire for the night, something she hadn't done since before the Maunon attacks, she had deserved it. Turning around, she left Titus on the balcony.

 _"_ _Something isn't right, something is up with her."_

She stopped in her tracks and looked back at Titus, "did you say something?"

His eyebrows raised in surprise, taken aback by her question, "No?"

She hummed in reply, trying to ignore the confusion spread across his face.

 _"_ _Not out loud at least, goufa."_

After the initial shock and confusion, it didn't take long for Lexa to realise that she wasn't, in fact, going insane, just that she could hear the thoughts of certain people.

At the time, she wasn't sure whether she would have preferred to go insane or not.

What she was sure about, was that this gift, this responsibility, was more of a curse than anything else the Commander's spirit brought with it. There were only a certain about of times she could listen to Titus think about the tight clothing of the warriors, the intricate hair plaits of the hand maidens, and the carefully crafted skin designs of the Azgeda before she actually would go insane. Before this new skill she would have betted for Titus being asexual, or a eunuch, but no, it turned out Titus was just like every other straight white male, something she was still struggling to deal with.

Then there was the Ice Queen, she luckily only had the pleasure of listening to her thoughts twice, both times came in evidently helpful when she managed to listen to the Queen's failed attempts of a coup. That was the first time she appreciated the gift, the first time she realised that this wasn't such a burden, but another tool given to her as an aid. Maybe she could get used to this? Maybe she could learn to enjoy it?

Maybe she should stay away from Titus and his dirty thoughts for a while.

It had been three years since she was given the gift, and so far there were only a handful of people that she found she could listen to the thoughts of, and she had yet to determine the relationship between them all. It was something of a sore subject, not being able to understand something which was such a big part of her life, so she gave the task to Anya. With her being as stubborn as Lexa, even more so sometimes, she would surely be able to figure it out, even if Lexa couldn't.

And she was right, knowing that Lexa could hear the thoughts of herself, Indra, Titus, Queen Nia and her son Roan, Anya figured it out.

Of course she loved the fact that either Lexa or the previous Commander's thought she was a threat to her, she took great pride in reminding her of that whenever she could.

Which is what she was currently doing, much to Lexa's distain.

"Are you finished yet?" Lexa sighed, she loved Anya, she really did, but just like every family, she also bugged the hell out of her.

Anya laughed at the tired look Lexa was currently sporting, watching as she delicately twisted her knife around, the tip of the blade carving a dent into the arm of her throne.

"I'm done, I swear."

Lexa made a non committal sound, knowing full well that Anya was lying, she always did. They must have had this conversation a thousand times, both mentally and physically, and it always ended the same way, Lexa did not care for this one following suit. She had too much on her mind already, her game face was already on, she had been prepared for this meeting for an hour, and for a hour, she had had to deal with Anya's teasing, she couldn't wait for it to be over.

Her eyes shot up to the flaps of her tent as Indra walked in unannounced, "Heda, the Skaikru leader is here, do you want me to send her in?"

She nodded at her, not trusting her voice. She had heard much about the leader from her various scouts, how her golden hair rivalled the sun as it shone through the tree tops, how her eyes were fiercely as blue as unchartered oceans, how she carried the world on her shoulders, a reluctant leader. Something Lexa could relate to.

She had been nervous about this meeting ever since Indra had reported the villages being burnt down. She knew what her people would demand, and even though she hadn't met the reluctant leader, she couldn't bring herself to satisfy their request. Not until she had met her at least.

Lifting the knife from the newly carved dent, she placed the tip against her finger and continued spinning. Knowing that Anya was aware of her nervous habit, she chose to ignore the teasing grin she could feel burning into her.

She hear the tent flaps open again and she knew straight away who it was, "you're the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive."

Lifting her eyes, she finally looked upon her company and was instantly taken back. The stories did not do her any justice.

 _"_ _Keep it in your pants, Heda."_

She stopped spinning her knife, ignoring Anya's comment.

"You're the one who sent them their to kill us."

She stabbed her knife down against the dent again as she watched the blonde in front of her, clearly impressed. She was brave, braver than Lexa was anyway.

She tried to ignore the beating in her chest as she listened to the leader bargain with her, she talked a big game, bringing a new offer to the table, turning reapers back? How was that even possible? She needed to know more but before she had the chance, Indra has jumped up, her sword drawn as she threatened the blonde.

"Indra.. em pleni!" Lexa stood up behind Indra, towering over her and she sulked off to the side of the room. Lexa walked down the few steps that was holding her throne up, "you say you can turn reapers back into men."

"Yes." The blonde replied

"Then prove it, show me Lincoln." As soon as she stopped talking, she realised her mistake.

She was too close to the blonde, close enough to finally appreciate the blue eyes everyone talked about, close enough to notice the small beauty spot above her lip. She found herself thankful that none of her scouts had been close enough to notice that, as if it was a thinly kept secret, only available for those she felt close enough to let in.

The blonde nodded her head as Lexa's demand far too easily, she knew Lexa couldn't say no to her offer and it sparked hope deep inside, perhaps the Skaikru were onto something here, it was definitely worth a shot.

As soon as the leader knew Lexa would follow, she turned around on her heels and started walking out, Lexa set off to follow but something stopped her in her tracks.

 _"_ _Who knew the Commander would be so hot?"_

No, that can't be right, she can't possibly.. can she?

Anya stepped up beside Lexa and instantly laughed at her gobsmacked face, "let me guess, she's another to add to the list?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa had been avoiding the Skaikru's leader for a week now, or Clarke as she's recently discovered, a name which rolls off her tongue far too easily. She had sent Anya in her place with Indra and Gustus along with several other trusted warriors to determine whether the Skaikru were able to turn reapers back. Word had spread like wildfire in the surrounding camps and everyone was waiting with a baited breath to see whether it was true or not, and Lexa was amongst them.

Lexa had informed her guards to let the three in her chamber as soon as they returned to camp which according to the candle mark on the centre table, should be any time now. Unable to stay seated, Lexa found herself wandering around her room, sorting out the bedsheets, brushing her hair and occasionally reshuffling her furniture. Feeling slightly less restless, she looked down to her attire, only now just realising that a nightgown with a split in the side was not something the Commander should wear in the presence of others. Striding over to the bedroom doors, she flung one open, "do not let Indra or Gustus in, Just Anya" she requested, shutting them without waiting for an answer. Maybe it wasn't something she should wear infront of others, but Anya was family and truthfully, she couldn't be bothered changing into her Commander gear this late at night.

It wasn't long before Lexa had become restless again. Looking back, she should have taken up her hand maidens offer of a bath, but it was too late now. Where was Anya? The candle marks were getting less and less, indicating just how late at night it was. How much more could she possibly do before Anya turned up? She had moved her chairs forward and back, left and right, only to return them to their original position. She had shaken her bedsheets, airing them out before tucking them back in, only to repeat the process moments later.

Picking up a discarded hairbrush, she figured she could pass the time with some good old fashioned grooming, running her fingers through her hair she cringed at how long it had been since she paid it some attention. Bringing the thick brown locks over one shoulder, she brushed through the knots, stroking it as it trailed across her shoulder and down her chest. It was getting longer these days which she was happy about, with this new length Gustus could easily try out some new braiding designs.

She knew it wasn't much, but her hair was something that the previous Commanders had no control over. Her life had been planned out for her, living by rules and regulations, by the mistakes of others and the pedestal that she was placed upon by her subjects. Her clothes were The Commanders clothes, her words were chosen by the visions that came to her in her slumber or her trusted advisor, but her hair, her hair was her own.

She felt herself smiling at the thought, something that was rare these days for her, she couldn't remember the last time she felt at ease. Had she ever felt light and free? She knew the answer to that question straight away, sadly.

 _"Joka best be awake, making me report at this time."_

Lexa smiled and Anya's thoughts, it wasn't that late at night, and she knew for a fact that Anya was used to the late nights so she could deal with it. She could hear footsteps and voices grow closer and closer. Brushing her hair one last time, she stood facing the door, elegance and grace flowing from her.

"Lexa?" Anya called out as she opened the door to her bedroom without knocking first. Lexa rolled her eyes gently, reminding herself that Anya was never one for manners and never will be.

"If you can be patient for 2 minutes before you barge through my door, you would see that yes, I am very much awake." Lexa turned around, placing her hair brush on the bedside table.

"Good, you have company." Company? She specifically told her guards that only Anya was allowed in, and she wasn't expecting anyone else, was she?

 _"Woah, this is the Commanders room?"_

The sound grounded Lexa to the floor, no, it can't be, Anya wouldn't do this to her.

She paused her own thoughts, _Anya totally would do this to her._

 _"Check out the size of that bed!"_

Lexa felt herself smiling again, girl had good taste if she could appreciate her bed. She was just about to turn around and greet her new guest when another thought stopped her in her tracks.

 _"Holy shit, Commander? Is that the Commander?"_

Although Lexa couldn't fully understand her Skeikru's language, judging from the tone, she knew what she said hadn't been a bad thing, her smile broadened as she spun around, "good evening Clarke. I wasn't been expecting any visitors so I apologise for my attire." She finished off sending a quick glare to Anya who up until this point, was thoroughly enjoying watching both leaders flounder around each other.

"I.. er.. its alright, honestly, you look great!" Clarke blanched, "I mean fine, you look fine."

Lexa ducked her head in an attempt to hide the small blush that was threatening to rise whilst she walked over to the seating area, "please, sit."

"Anya, I assume with our current company that Lincoln is alive and well?" If he wasn't, the blonde wouldn't be sitting with them, complimenting Lexa's choice of furniture. She raised her eyebrow at the fellow brunette who finally had the decency to look a little guilty.

"Yes, it worked, and Lexa, you should have seen it." Anya sat on the edge of her chair, leaning on her knees as she failed to contain her excitement, "it was a right show, couldn't have written it better myself!"

Clarke smiled shyly at Anya's words which irked Lexa, she was not above jealousy and right now, that's exactly what she was feeling.

"We do not need theatrics here, Clarke. We need trust, actions that follow the promised by the leaders of the clans. Do you think we take this lightly?" Lexa stood up, ignoring the breeze that left goosebumps up her legs as the split in her dress revealed far more than she was ready to.

 _"Chil au, Heda, she didn't mean anything by it."_

Lexa's head spun round, glaring at Anya, she walked to the dresser and lit some more candles, they always calmed her down.

"No! No! I'm sorry! I didn't.. I don't.." Clarke paused, "I'm sorry." Lexa felt a stab of guilt at Clarkes apology

 _"Shit, Clarke, pull yourself together."_

"Very well, Clarke. Now that you have proved that you have the means and the skills required to undo the Maunon's work, what do you want?" Lexa sat back down facing Clarke, her back rigid and stern, her face void of any emotion.

 _"Leg, shit, look at that leg."_

Lexa coughed, again looking down to avoid any detection of the rising blush, her eyes widened slightly when she realised that the slit in her dressing gown had opened as she sat down, revealing her soft, moonlit ridden thigh. She quickly pulled the material across her legs, shuffling to make it look like she was simply getting comfy on her chair. She looked up, ignoring Anya's smirk as she settled on Clarke, her eyebrows raising as she saw where Clarke's gaze was fixated.

"Clarke.." Lexa prompted.

"Fuck, sorry, what was the question?"

Angered, Lexa once again stood up, motioning Anya to follow suit, "You are wasting my time here, Clarke. If you do not take this seriously then I suggest you leave."

 _"Seriously? Could I fuck this up any more?"_

Lexa walked over to her door and pulled one open.

"No! Wait! Please!" Clarke stood up, taking fewer steps to where Lexa was standing, "I'm sorry, I'm tired from the journey, I'm distracted, but I want to be here, I do."

Lexa gripped the door harder, understanding that Clarke was distracted, she had heard that much. What she didn't want to admit to anyone just quite yet was that she was also distracted by Clarke's thoughts, next time she vowed to herself to cover up in Clarke's company, for the sake of both of them.

"I understand." She turned to her friend, "Anya? Will you please show Clarke to the guest chamber, the room is hers for however long she needs, please see that all demands are met." She looked back over at Clarke for the last time that night, "I hope it is to your liking, please help yourself to any amenities and clothing. I shall send word for when I am free to meet."

Clarke smiled at Lexa, who had still yet to drop her expressionless face, as she walked past following Anya down the dark hallway "thank you Commander, good night."

"Good night, Clarke kom Skaikru." Lexa gently replied. She took a deep breath, feeling like she was finally able to breathe for the first time as she closed the door. What the hell was all that about? Lexa cursed herself, why was she letting this blonde get to her so much? It wasn't the first time Lexa had been around such beauty before, nor around someone she was so intrigued by, so surely she could handle someone who was both.

She thought she could anyway,

Sighing at her lack of answers, she blew out the candles on the centre table before climbing into bed. She knew she should have blown out the rest, but she needed all the help she could get tonight when it came to relaxation.

She melted into the furs, wrapping herself up before she sighed again, this time in content.

It didn't take long before she felt sleep wash over her, basking in the lightness as she started to doze off.

 _"Fuck, Commander.."_

No. No, it can't be, Anya wouldn't do this to her, out of all the guest chambers she had, she wouldn't put Clarke in the room directly below her own.

She paused her own thoughts, _Anya totally would do this to her._


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep was not something Lexa was graced with that night. Fortunately for her, Clarke did not have the same problem. After having to listen to Clarke berate and chastise herself over her actions in front of The Commander, Lexa realised just how harsh her actions were on the blonde, it was not Clarkes fault the Lexa was finding it difficult to contain herself, yet Lexa forgot that.

Choosing to handle the meeting tomorrow differently, Lexa hoped her subconscious would allow her to get some sleep, yet that was a fruitless thought. She had spent the majority of the night watching the candle marks get lower and lower as the sun rose higher and higher. She knew she was wasting precious time doing nothing at all, she should have used this time drawing up new plans to cover the Floukru's contributions if they weren't able to, every other Commander would do so. Yet she also knew that any sort of alone time was rare, and Lexa wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The birds had just started their morning calls, meaning Lexa could no longer justify lying in bed any longer. Grumbling to herself, she dragged herself up, it wouldn't be long until her hand maidens would be running her morning bath so she decided to give them a heads start. She still wasn't used to being cared for like this, having someone at her service day in and day out, having someone to complete the simplest of tasks which were deemed too menial for The Commander to do. Okay so _maybe_ sometimes having someone to tie her boots, to run her bath and strip her bed was helpful after a long day of discussions, and even more helpful after a long day of battling. But still, Lexa grew up humble, with her nomon and nontu teaching her how to look after herself, she had never needed anyone before, and that's how Lexa liked it.

Her bedroom door flung open shaking her from her thoughts, "sleep well?"

Lexa walked round the wall separating the chamber room to the bathroom, "my suspicions tell me you already know the answer to that. And Anya, please, come in why don't you."

Lexa watched on with a displeased look on her face as Anya made herself comfy, "so, are we going to talk about last night?" Anya asked.

Lexa started to collect the candles used for heating the bath water, ignoring Anya's questions, "come on Heda, you can't ignore me forever."

Lexa briefly stopped before picking up her final candle, walking over to her tub, she placed the collected candles under it, lighting them one by one, "yes I can."

 _"_ _I can still hear you."_

"Anya.." Lexa warned, "stop that."

 _"_ _So that's the problem then."_

Lexa stopped lighting the many candles with huff, she was far too tired to be dealing with Anya today, but she knew what her friend was like, and if she didn't start answering some questions soon, they would only become more over bearing and insistent. With a sigh she stood up and joined Anya in the seating area, "what would you like to know, Anya?"

Anya turned her body to Lexa's, "Can you hear her? You never said. I mean, I'm guessing from your attitude and awkwardness yesterday that you can, but still, am I right?"

Lexa dropped her head momentarily before nodding it, validating Anya's thoughts. She knew the admission would only bring further troubles for her, hell, Anya knew it too, but she couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Interesting." Anya mumbled and Lexa couldn't help but agree. "So she's a threat then."

"Apparently so." Lexa confirmed.

Silence followed, it was a sullen sound, a thick atmosphere of realisation. The Commander's spirit had already spoken for Clarke, they had already decided her fate.

"Lexa, it could be nothing," Anya tried, "look at me! I'm no threat to you or what you stand for.. Clarke could be the same?"

Lexa lifted her chin up, determined to hide her devastation, "and look at Queen Nia, look what she tried to do, twice."

Anya shut up, fully understanding the position Lexa was in, who's to say which side Clarke would be on? Who's to say she wouldn't use her leadership to take over the clans?

On the other hand, who's to say she would pose any sort of threat to Lexa at all? They could rule side by side, in a team, in a companionship.

Lexa stopped her trial of thought, _companionship?_ No, she couldn't have that sort of thing, Titus would never allow it. It wasn't exactly unheard of, The Commanders having companions, their houmons had to continue the natbilda somehow. However it wasn't exactly common for them to have a companion for the sake of hodnes, _for love._

Wow, was Lexa in way over her head. She had had one simple conversation with the Skaikru's leader, which didn't exactly end like she's hoped it would do, and yet here she was thinking about the blonde as a houmon? It didn't make sense.

"I get it Heda, I really do, but please don't rule her out just yet?" Anya pleaded.

"Fortunately for you, that would not be a wise decision. We have many things we need to discuss, how their clan could be of use to me, and I to them." Lexa stood up, brushing the creases out of her nightgown, "speaking of which, when have you set the meeting for?"

Anya followed, sensing their little impromptu meeting was coming to an end and started walking to the bedroom doors, "a few hours away, enough time for you to prepare yourself," She paused, pulling the left door open dramatically, "and to make yourself look irresistible of course."

Lexa rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind her friend. She rested her head against the aged wood and closed her eyes, trying to come up with a plan was pointless. No one knew how this was going to play out, so until she knew the Skaikru's leader, she decided she wasn't going to worry.

With a newly founded gusto, Lexa opened her chamber doors and spoke to her guards, "no one is to disturb me, no hand maidens, no seconds, no one." She closed the door without waiting for an answer, she knew she wasn't going to get one anyway.

She stripped off her nightgown as she made her way over to her heated bath, leaving the crumpled piece of clothing on the floor behind her. She climbed over the edge and lowered herself into the steaming water, groaning in satisfaction as the warmth spread through her bones.

She had promised herself not to spend long relaxing, she knew she had her duties, but after the night and morning she had had, she needed to be selfish just one more time, fuck knows when she would get time to herself again.

She hadn't been in the bath for long but she instantly started feeling better. Well, that was before Clarke had woken up.

 _"_ _Fuck my life, how the hell did I manage to get myself into this situation?"_

Lexa sighed, she knew her relaxation time was over now. She finished bathing herself, wishing she could take more time in washing her hair before begrudgingly climbing out the bath. She grabbed the furs and pulled it around herself, tucking it safely under her arms, before wandering back into her chamber room.

She was just about to change into her Commander gear for the day when a knock on her door interrupted her. Lexa frowned, she wasn't expecting anyone and she gave explicit orders not to be disturbed, so who could that be?

She walked past the bed, gripping the furs tighter as she opened the door slightly, just enough to poke her head around in order to maintain some modesty, "yes?" The two guards in front of her parted, revealing the certain blonde that had been clouding her thoughts since last night.

"Commander?"

Lexa opened the door wider, "Clarke? Is everything okay?"

 _"_ _She's not clothed, oh god.. Her.. her collarbones."_

Lexa ducked her head, why was she never clothed around the blonde leader? She leant against the side of the door and waited for Clarke to get her senses together.

 _"_ _Collarbones.."_

Which she realised could take a while. She quirked her eyebrow at Clarke, watching as the blonde trailed her eyes around the skin showing above the furs. Lexa looked down at herself, making sure she wasn't revealing any more than she should. Happy that the furs had remained in place she looked back at the blonde and laughed, it seemed that Clarke had yet to remember the purpose of her visit.

"Have you had enough yet?" As much as she was enjoying the attention, she did had work that was waiting for her, and who knew how long Clarke was going to take appreciating her.

"What? OH." Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the shocked expression painted on the blonde face, "I am so sorry! I'm tired, I didn't sleep well last night.."

Lexa stepped aside in a silent invitation for the blonde to enter, "it sure sounded like you did," she mumbled.

Clarke took the invitation and breezed past Lexa, "what?" She stopped, turned around and quirked her head at the brunette.

Lexa closed the door behind herself, she forgot who she was talking to for a second. What was it with the blonde? Why did she feel so disarmed around her?

Pushing off the door, she guided the blonde to the seating area, "Is everything okay, Clarke?" She kept a hold of the furs as she took a seat opposite the leader.

"Yes, I'm sorry for the interruption, I was wondering if I could ask a question? I didn't really want to wait, that bald guy? He scares me." The blonde was ringing her hands together, she was obviously nervous in Lexa's company and for some reason, it made Lexa feel better.

"And this couldn't wait for a more suitable time?" She questioned.

The blonde flushed, "I was unaware that this time would not be suitable, I can only apologise."

Remembering how she acted the other night, Lexa decided to let her off, "It's fine," she answered with a wave of her hand, "so what was so important you needed to ask at this time?"

"Oh, wow.. yes, okay." Clarke briefly stopped ringing her hands, "yesterday took longer than expected, I was hoping there was a way I could send a message back to my people? Just so they know I'm safe.." she trailed off.

The request wasn't absurd nor out of Lexa's reach, "I understand, I can send a rider if that makes you feel better?"

The blonde instantly smiled, clearly surprised at Lexa's willingness to help her, "you can? Thank you so much!"

Lexa tried to ignore the flutter that started in her stomach as the blonde smiled for her, it was too early and she was too tired to acknowledge what that could mean. She stood up and called her guards in, "send a rider to Skaikru, let them know that their leader is safe, and that no harm will be brought to her whilst she's in my presence."

The guards silently nodded their heads at their Commanders request.

"Wait!" The blonde jumped up, catching the guards attempt to leave.

"I'm not their leader."

Lexa's head spun in confusion, "then _who_ are you?"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: The timeline is completely different to the show (if you hadn't already noticed), I wanted to stick to the canon verse, but I wanted to also make it my own, so, you know, don't hate.

* * *

The two guards drew their swords in a threatening stance, ready to follow their sworn oaths to protect their leader. Lexa watched proudly as her hand instinctively went to clutch at her own weapon which was usually strapped against her hip, only then just remembering her unfortunate attire. Cursing herself, she settled for intimidation, hoping her prowess and presence was enough to deter an imminent attack.

Lexa could feel her jaw clenching at the silence. She watched as the blondes mouth opened and closed, trying to find some words, any words, to explain herself, but nothing came out.

Lexa's patience grew thin, who was this girl? Who had she shared her home and her time with? Lexa felt a fool, was she that easy to manipulate? Just one flutter of eyelashes, one beautifully sculpted face and enticing body and Lexa was apparently putty in the skilful looking hands.

 _Is this why she's considered a threat?_

Lexa's patience was gone, how dare she be taken advantage of?

"Frag em op!" Lexa commanded. Her guards wasted no time in rushing towards the blonde, swords armed and ready, thirsty for blood.

"WAIT! PLEASE!"

Lexa felt her heart clench at the pained plea, in a moment she would later call temporary madness, she held her hands out, stopping her guards in their war path, "hod op."

Tension thickened as Lexa stalked her prey, forcing Clarke to step backwards, "you come into my home, you bargain with me, entice me with your peoples weaponry, yet they're not your people. They're not your weapons to give away. I will only ask _one_ more time, Clarke, if that's your real name," She snarled as she stopped walking, her body a hair's breadth away from the blondes, "Who are _you?_ "

Lexa tried to ignore the bob of the blondes throat as she swallowed in nervousness, the darkening of the eyes as Clarke realised just how close they were, and the way they dropped to Lexa's lips.

"My Name _is_ Clarke." The blonde rose her eyes, determined to show nothing but the truth in them, "I _am_ from the sky, but I do not lead it."

Lexa raised her eyebrow in annoyance but she stayed quiet, letting the blonde continue.

"There are more of us, up there still, they haven't come down yet. In charge of them, us, our leader is The Chancellor, although who that is right now I'm not sure. But it's not me."

 _"Please trust me."_

The Commander took in the blonde's spoken words and hidden thoughts. She could easily slaughter the blonde for her omission, she could easily punish her for leading her astray, _it's not like_ she _hadn't done it before_ , but something was holding her back, and Lexa knew what it was. She knew the reason she was letting the blonde get away with something so many had been tied up and cut for, but right now wasn't the time to think about it.

"Gon we." She sent away her guards with a flick of her wrist. She ignored the questioning looks thrown her way by all three of them, but the two guards left wordlessly.

"Why would you not know who your leader is, Clarke? How do you expect to follow if you don't know who they are?" Lexa walked past the blonde to the seating area, the tension has relaxed, the air was thinner, both were aware of the change in the atmosphere but neither addressed it.

"We haven't had much contact with them in a while.." The blonde gingerly followed Lexa before choosing to sit down in the same seat as yesterday. For some reason it bought her comfort, it made her feel safe as she watched Lexa do the same.

"You chose to leave them, but you did not choose to contact them?" Coming from a close clan, and knowing the other clans and how they worked, Lexa was struggling to understand how a new clan could be so far apart, so separate and disjointed.

"We didn't choose to leave them Commander, we were sent here."

Lexa shuffled back in her chair, pulling one leg behind the other getting comfy, they were going to be here a while.

"I do not understand, Clarke."

Clarke ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, it was obvious that this was as difficult to say as it was to understand.

 _"She'll never trust me if she knew."_

Not liking the sound of Clarke's thoughts, Lexa felt her walls being built back up. She sat up straighter, hoping to allude to some form of hierarchy, even though she felt nothing more than a pawn in the blondes games right now.

"Tell me then, if you are not the leader of your clan, why have they sent you to me?"

"I.." Clarke bit her lip in thought, "I guess I was just had the better idea's."

Lexa felt herself getting restless, unsure on how to proceed with this information. "So, if you're not the leader, the _Chancellor_ as you say, how do you expect people to follow your orders, and in turn, follow mine?"

Clarke dropped her head in defeat, "Honestly? I'm not too sure. I just know that I have to try."

"Then I'm sorry Clarke, but I cannot be your ally, not without some sort of sign, or agreement from your clan. I hope you can understand, but my people come first, and you are not my people."

 _"No! I can't go back with nothing. Think Clarke, THINK!"_

"Please Commander, we need you. I need you! We're a mess down here, were all too young, too inexperienced and eager. We're not going to last much longer without your help."

"Then you must learn, we all did somehow." Lexa looked out at the whole in the wall at the view, it was getting later in the day and she was still in her sleeping gown, this wouldn't do. "I'm afraid I must ask you to leave, I have duties to attend to, duties for my actual people." She moved to stand up but a hand on her knee held her back.

"Commander, I'm begging you here, there must be something I can do, something to change your mind"

 _"Accept anything, Clarke, offer your land, your technology, hell, offer your body if you need."_

Lexa sprung back, burnt by her thoughts.

"Everyone has their price, Clarke." She brushed the hand off her knee as she stood towering over the blonde, "figure out mine."

* * *

To say that Lexa was distracted for the day was a severe understatement. Titus had noticed, Indra had noticed as much to her chagrin, so had Anya, the teasing for the day had almost been unbearable.

She was currently sparring with a hopeful for Indra's second, she had been searching for a warrior for many moons now, but no one had yet to live up to Indra's insanely high standards. Still, a second was reflective on the warrior, Indra had reason to want nothing but the best for her.

The current hopeful was nothing more than that, hopeful. His moves were too calculated, and in result, too, predictable which Indra could have worked with, if there was strength behind his attacks. _I've fought better goufas,_ she laughed at herself.

"Em pleni!" Lexa had had enough, the hopeful was no match for her, even in the distracted state she was in.

Anya ran over with a spare fur in her hand and gestured for Lexa to take it. Lexa got the hint and wiped the sweat off her brow, "Anya." Lexa greeted.

"Heda." Anya replied, short and curt, "we should talk."

Lexa raised her eyebrow in question.

 _"About Clarke."_

Lexa's second eyebrow joined the first, both raised in surprise. She nodded her head and walked away from the crowd knowing Anya was hot on her trail.

They walked silently to The Commanders tower, they both knew that their discussion needed to be done privately, and although they were surrounded by trees and forests, there were eyes and ears everywhere. It may have been further to walk to, but at least Lexa knew that her chamber was her own, a place where they could talk without the threat of being caught.

It didn't take long before Lexa was opening her double doors and removing her cape. She rolled her neck before rubbing it slightly, revelling at the freeing feeling rushing over her.

Anya sat down in her regular seat, shuffling her sword around so it was more comfortable for her, "so.."

"So.." Lexa repeated, shrugging her thick coat off before throwing it over the end of her bed.

"She hasn't left. Why hasn't she left Lexa?" Her voice was accusing as she questioned the leader.

Lexa turned to face Anya as she continued stripping item after item of The Commanders gear off, throwing each one on the bed. This was news to her, she would have thought that the blonde would scurry off home after their latest talk, not stick around, why hasn't she left?

Apparently that thought was written all over the leaders face, "I'm not sure, Heda, I thought you knew, I was coming to you for answers."

Lexa finished undressing, unfazed by her friend being in the same room, before slipping on her night gown. She felt one shoulder slip as it hung from her other but she let it be, still confused by this recent development.

"They're dangerous, and they're unpredictable. I can't have them ruining what I've spent years building Anya." Lexa found herself pacing back and forth, she knew she needed to speak to Titus about this, there was a reason he was her advisor, but he was biased, he didn't approve of her joining of the clans, but Anya did. She needed someone on her side right now, someone who knew what worries and reservations she had.

"They're leaderless, Anya. She doesn't rule them, she doesn't rule anyone." She felt herself grow angry again, frustrated by her lack of control around her, "She's a child Anya!"

Anya was confused, "she's not their leader?"

Lexa felt a humourless laugh leave her lips, "no, her leader, _The Chancellor_ is still in the sky."

"But.. how are they down here then? I don't understand, why would they leave their people behind?" Lexa understood the questions Anya was asking, hell, she was still asking those questions now.

"See my problem now?"

Anya nodded her head solemnly, "so you don't know why you're still here then?"

"..No."

"Have you asked her?" Anya smirked, knowing the answer already.

"..No." Lexa begrudgingly replied.

"GUARDS!" Anya bellowed, Lexa's eyes widened.

"Anya, no!" She pleaded.

Anya stood up and walked over to the two guards as they entered the room, she briefly turned around, smirking at the seething leader, "Anya, yes," she teased, "bring the blonde here, we need to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa wasn't happy with Anya, but she knew that she was right, they needed to speak to the blonde, to figure out why she hadn't left yet.

"One day Anya I swear I'll.."

"You'll what, _Heda_?" She teased.

A knock on the door interrupted Lexa, she threw her arms up in defeat as she strode over to the floor and flinging it open with too much gusto, "yes?"

The guard on the other side of the door recoiled in shock, "Clarke kom Skaikru, Heda.." He stepped aside and pushed the blonde into Lexa's room.

Sighing, she closed the door behind her, "of course" she mumbled to herself.

"Commander?" She sounded scared and Lexa hated that it made her feel better about the situation.

 _I'm in charge_ , she reminded herself, _I'm the Commander. I am not ruled by pretty things._ She turned around to face her weakness and groaned at the sight, _fuck, I am not ruled by pretty things, I'm not._

"Clarke, I was unaware that I had extended my hospitality with our last meeting. Why have you not left Polis?" She walked past the blonde who had yet to move and joined Anya in the seating area. Taking up her usual seat, she maintained her façade as she made herself comfy.

 _Oh Jesus, Clarke, could you do anymore to fuck this up?_

Lexa cleared her throat in an attempt to hurry the blonde up, she really didn't want to continue hearing her chastise herself.

"Commander, I can only apologise, but I can't leave, not just yet. I need.. I can't.. Please can I stay a bit longer? Until I figure you.. us.. _shit_.. I need a truce between your people and mine, and I can't leave without one." She approached Lexa and Anya and sat down in the same seat as last time.

"And what would the Commander get out of this?" Anya asked.

"What would she want?" Clarke replied.

Lexa ignored Anya's smirk as she answered Clarke's question, " _she_ is sat right here."

Clarke groaned at herself, _as if I could forget._

Lexa cleared her throat once more, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to get used to hearing appreciative thoughts about herself.

Clarke straightened up, seemingly pulling herself together, "Commander, I'm not sure what used I could be to you, but I'd like the chance to be able to figure it out. I know this doesn't help you much, but apart from myself, there isn't much I can offer."

Anya's smirk grew wider which only continued to irate Lexa more.

"Em pleni Anya! Leave us." Lexa demanded, ignoring Anya's laugh as she left the room.

"Clarke.. that is.. you shouldn't.." She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "that offer is not necessary." _But if it were, it would be more than enough,_ she wanted to add but somehow managed to contain it. "You can stay, I only ask to be kept up to date with what's happening, it would pleasure Anya too much if she knew more than me."

"What? That's it?" Clarke questioned.

"We are not savages, Clarke, maybe staying in Polis will change how you see us."

Clarke smiled at Lexa who stubbornly ignored the butterflies roaming in her stomach, "it already has."

Lexa certainly didn't think that the rest of the day would pale in comparison to seeing Clarke earlier. She certainly didn't think of the blonde when the Floukru came to her with new, improved plans, or when Titus tried to talk to Lexa about Queen Nia and her son again. When she retired for the night, she tried to ignore the itching feeling knowing the blonde was only a floor away from her, but it was a long day and Lexa was tired, tired of hiding her attraction for the blonde.

A rumble in her stomach reminded her she hadn't eaten since lunch, using this as an excuse, she removed her cape and left her room with one destination in mind.

It didn't take long to get there, it was only when she timidly knocked on the door in front did she start to second guess herself. Luckily the door opened up before she was able to change her mind,

"Commander?"

"Clarke," Lexa was taken back at the blonde, clearly she had spent the whole day thinking about her, as much as she hating admitting it. But she still wasn't prepared to be left speechless at the blonde's nightdress.

"Is everything okay?" She opened the door wider inviting Lexa into her room.

"It is on my end, is everything okay here? Is there anything you need?" She looked around the room, it was bare, of course it was, Clarke wasn't planning on staying, she didn't have any personal belongings, or even a spare pair of her own clothes. "Would you like someone to pick up your things from your own camp?"

"My things?"

Lexa continued to look around, "Yes, it wouldn't be a problem if there are things you need for your stay."

Clarke finally closed the door behind her, "Oh, thank you Commander, but I have no things." Lexa spun around questioningly, watching how the blonde awkwardly sat at the end of her bed.

"We weren't sent down with our things, I haven't had my own things in a long time." Lexa was still confused, she joined the blonde at the end of her bed.

"I do not understand Clarke, why would your leader do such a thing?"

Lexa watched the blonde nibble on her bottom lip, she was obviously nervous but Lexa couldn't understand why, Lexa thought back to the blondes thoughts, _"She'll never trust me if she knew."_ _Is this why she's nervous? Lexa frowned at her own thoughts_ , she wanted nothing more than to trust the blonde, but she had her own people to think about, _is this why the Commander's think she's a threat?"_

"We didn't have a choice, we weren't warned we were coming here, we didn't have time to prepare." Lexa could understand spur of the moment decisions, but this decision surely had some thought behind it, someone decided to do this, someone decided to send them here, why didn't they give them more time? Lexa's stomach rumbled again knocking her out of her own thoughts.

Flushing in embarrassment, Lexa remembered the reason she came, "I apologise for that, and for interrupting your evening, but I was going to ask if you had eaten yet? I obviously haven't."

"Oh someone came by before to give me some food, but I haven't touched it yet," she awkwardly looked over to the fully stacked plate on the bedside table. "There's a lot a food there, more than I've seen in weeks," she paused and frowned at herself, "it doesn't seem right indulging myself when that much food would serve 10 people at my camp."

Lexa nodded her head, "I apologise, the cooks wouldn't have done so much if they knew."

"It's fine, it is what it is, we got ourselves into this mess, we can get ourselves out of it."

Lexa smiled, "if that's so, then your stay here would have ended by now."

Clarke rolled her eyes teasingly, "obviously a bit of help wouldn't go amiss." Lexa's smile grew wider at the eased tension.

 _I like this side of her, she should smile more._

Lexa flushed once more but couldn't stop smiling at the blondes words. She felt like a goufa again, experiencing her first crust, it was unsettling how unarmed she felt around the blonde, love was weakness was it not? _Then why did she feel stronger at the blonde's thoughts?_

She hopped up from the bed and held her hand out, "come with me?"

Her smiled reflected on the blonde's face as she accepted her hand, "where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Lexa may not have been able to helps out the blonde's clan, but that didn't mean she couldn't help the blonde.

Still holding onto her hand, she pulled her into the kitchen, ordering the cooks to leave and she settled in front of the gardening section.

"What's this?" Clarke asked.

"As a natblida, one of our first lessons is the wild, and the fruits it treasures us with." Lexa picked up two similar looking berries and held them up, "We must know how each berry affects, how each flower can be used to heal or eliminate, we must learn to live off the land." She showed Clarke the two berries, placing one in each hand, "for example, one of these is deadly when ingested but when crushed with the leaves from a mint tree is used as a deterrent for infections on open wounds, the other is a delicious berry when eaten on its own, but should not be eaten by the handful as it can cause irritations."

Lexa popped one in her mouth with ease, smiling at Clarke as she watched with rapt, "would you know the difference?"

Clarke shook her head silently.

"Then I guess we have a lot to learn."

"What's this?" Clarke asked as she help up an orange flower.

"It's a Calendula, something that we've learnt to keep handy around with the Skaikru weaponry." Lexa took the flower from Clarke's hands, demonstrating how to crush it up, "we use it to treat burns."

"Oh, I'm sorry Commander."

"It is not me who needs the apology, Clarke, it is the family of those who we lost that night, _jus drein jus daun._ "

"What does that mean?"

Lexa started tidying the mess away, annoyed at herself at the turn of conversation, "blood must have blood."

"Revenge." Clarke whispered, the notion waging heavily on her.

"It is our way, it always has been." Clarke nodded, understanding Lexa's words, "I have appeased those demanding it for now, but they will not wait forever Clarke. The sooner you come up with a plan, the better, otherwise it will be messy for all of us."

Lexa looked around, ensuring everything had been put back in place before turning back to Clarke, "I do not mean to worry you Clarke."

"It's okay Commander.."

"Lexa." She interrupted, "it's not Commander, it's Lexa." She was surprised by herself, she hadn't meant to give her permission to call her anything but Heda, but it just slipped out.

She cast a shy glance at Clarke and with the smile that graced her face, she couldn't bring herself to care.

 _It suits her._

"Lexa.." Clarke tested it out, loving the way it rolled off her tongue, "can we get back onto the reaper subject?"

"I don't see why not, but I'm unsure how it will change anything if you still cannot guarantee the Skaikru's commitment to me."

Clarke stayed silent, mulling over my words, "come on, it's late, we can discuss this at a later date."

Lexa walked to the door and opened it for Clarke, only frowning when she realised that Clarke wasn't following, "Clarke?"

Clarke stood in the same spot, spinning another orange flower around on the table, _we burnt them all, we burnt them all alive._

Lexa frowned at Clarke's thoughts, it was a burden too big for Clarke to carry all on her own.

"Blood must have blood, what would that entail?" She asked Lexa.

"Clarke.." Lexa warned, "you don't have to do this now."

"Please." She begged.

Lexa sighed, she didn't like how the blonde was able to get what she wanted around her, "it depends, if it was an act made by one person, then that one person must suffer the pain of the 300 lives that were taken. If it was more than one person, then its an act of war and will be dealt with as war usually is."

 _If I can stop Lexa from killing us, from taking revenge, then maybe everyone will trust her, maybe we can form an alliance._

Lexa frowned once again at Clarke's thoughts, not liking the sound of it.

"I need to go home, can you get me home please?"

She nodded in reply, shouting down the hall for a guard, "now?"

"Yes, please."

Lexa steeled her face, she was disappointed that the blonde was leaving, but there was no way she was making that obvious for the blonde. Speaking in a language she knew Clarke didn't understand, she instructed the guard to collect three others and ready to steads for a journey.

"I'll show you to the stables, follow me."

It was a long and silent walk, with both of Lexa's hands aching to reach out and grab Clarke's. Her guards were waiting for them when they turned up, all suited and booted and terrifying looking which made Lexa happy, it was enough to prevent anyone from jumping them on their journey.

As the guards readied their horses, Lexa showed Clarke to her personal pen, "here, take Max, he is mine, he will do you good on the trip."

Lexa stroked his main as she pulled on the reigns slightly, making sure everything was tightly secured before turning to Clarke, "it's best if you don't stop for the night, considering the time, if you're okay with riding that is."

Clarke was obviously scared by the size of the horse, "you're not coming with me?"

Lexa bowed her head, wanting nothing more right now to continue spending time with her, but her responsibilities wouldn't allow her, _Titus wouldn't allow her._ "I'm sorry, but I cannot. I'm needed here."

"I understand," Clarke whispered as she climbed unsteadily on her horse, clearly she wasn't used to it. She held onto the reigns tightly as Max tried to get used to the weight and Lexa couldn't help but smile at how uncomfortable she looked. _One day I'll train her how to properly ride a horse._

"When will I see you again?" Lexa blurted out.

Clarke managed to stop the horse next to Lexa, smiling as she towered over her, "soon."


	6. Chapter 6

It was a long month until Clarke came back, not just for Lexa, but for anyone who worked with her. She was angry, impatient and sad, she was waiting for news, unsure when the next time she would see the blonde again. She had guards at all times stationed in the surrounding forests, eager to spread news of her return, she had the guest room tidied and ready to be used again, she had Anya teasing her over her heartbreak and Titus confused over her withdrawals.

It had been a long month of waiting, something Lexa was fed up with.

Three times Anya had to stop her from sending riders to Skaikru to pick her up, and four times Anya had to stop Lexa from going herself.

Lexa was currently moping in her chamber room like she had been doing for most of the week when a breathless guard ran through her door, "Heda!" He gasped, instantly turning around when he noticed she was wearing her night dress.

"Sha?" She stood up and walked over to him.

"Em komba raun." He rumbled, his voice resonating through her, _she's back, Clarke's back._

She dismissed him, ringing her fingers through her hair in thought, she had been waiting for this moment for weeks yet she was now realising how unprepared she was. Had anything changed? Did Clarke have a plan? How long would she be staying for? If she stayed at all?

Lexa shook her head at herself, she needed to speak to the blonde.

A knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts, "enter!" She called out.

"Commander?" The voice was quiet and shy, but it was hers.

Lexa turned around, reluctantly smiling at the blonde standing in front of her, "I thought I told you to call me Lexa."

Clarke didn't have the same reservations when smiling at the other girl, "Hello Lexa."

"Hello Clarke."

Lexa watched as the blonde closed the door before walking towards her, her heart leaping with every small step Clarke took, "I trust the journey went well?" Lexa sat down, showing Clarke to the seat opposite her.

"It did, thank you."

"Good," Lexa smiled, "and the trip? Did that go well?"

"It did, thank you" Clarke repeated, still smiling at Lexa.

 _I forgot how beautiful she was._

Lexa blushed at her thoughts, standing up she made herself look busy, lighting a few candles on the table before moving over to the fire place, "did you manage to get anything sorted whilst you were there?" She asked, unsure of whether or not she wanted to know the answer.

"I did, yes. My camp are willing for me to sort out a truce, they've left it up to me." Lexa turned around at this.

"You are a leader then Clarke, whether you want to admit this to yourself or not. You should be proud, its a prestigious title to hold."

Clarke ducked her head, smiling at the compliment, "thank you, Lexa."

She sat back down opposite the blonde, "so this truce, do you have everything you need to appease the council in order for an allegiance?"

Clarke nodded, her smile dropping as she did, "I have, but I don't wish to talk about that tonight."

"Okay?"

"I just need a few days, if that's okay?"

"Of course, Clarke, whatever you need." Why she needed time, Lexa wasn't sure, and she already knew Titus wouldn't approve of Lexa's decision to drag out the retribution for the loss of her 300 men, but Lexa couldn't say no to Clarke.

 _Why is she being so nice? Fuck, she's making this harder than it needs to be._

Lexa once more, frowned at the blonde's thoughts, she couldn't stop the sinking feeling in her gut, the feeling of fear, of something going wrong.

 _Suck it up, Clarke, you came tonight for one reason, don't chicken out now._

Lexa watching intriguingly as Clarke steeled her emotions, preparing herself for something. She stood up and walked to where Lexa was sitting and held out her hand, silently asking Lexa to take it.

With Lexa's track record of saying no to Clarke, it came to no surprise that she took her hand instantly. Clarke wrapped her fingers around Lexa's, pulling her out of her seat and onto her feet as she did.

Lexa stumbled at the sudden movement, somehow managing to catch herself before she stumbled too far into Clarke.

"Clarke?"

 _Please don't kill me, please don't kill me._

"Clarke?!" She probed again.

Clarke didn't answer her, instead she stepped closer, invading Lexa's space with her own. There was no doubt what Clarke's intentions were now. Granted she only had one other lover, and granted that was many moons ago, but she wasn't always sheltered by the Commander's title.

She watched as Clarke's eyes drop to her lips, she watched as Clarke's tongue sneaked out to wet her own.

Was she ready for this? She knew the blonde appreciated her looks, but who she was stemmed deeper than simply looks, being with The Commander, in any sense on the term, was a dangerous thing, was the blonde ready to accept that? Did the blonde even think of that?

"Clarke.." she warned.

Was she ready to show weakness again? Was she ready to let someone in? Someone she didn't understand completely, someone she didn't really know? And even if she did, would Titus allow this? Would the rest of the council? The other ambassadors?

Time dragged on, Clarke had yet to close the distance, hesitation was evident on Lexa's face and she knew Clarke could see her hold ups.

"Lexa, please.." Clarke whispered, "just give me this?"

 _Just one time, one night, before its all over, don't turn me down, please._

Lexa could feel the pain in Clarke's thoughts, why did she need this so much? Lexa stood her ground when Clarke stepped forward one more time, she stared at the lips that were getting closer, she felt the nervous breath them as Clarke finally kissed her.

Lexa would have liked to say that she saw stars, that she was left breathless, stunned at Clarke's bravery, but all Lexa could feel was fear.

Irrational fear, fear that vibrated down her spine, tingling her fingers and toes.

She wanted this, fuck did she want this, but could she really self indulge? Can she afford to get attached? To fall in love? She knew being with the blonde, love would be inevitable, but that didn't mean the blonde would fall too. What if Clarke didn't like was she saw? What if Clarke ran at the first chance? Could she handle another heartbreak?

Lost in her own thoughts, Lexa barely noticed when Clarke bought her hands up and cradled her face, stroking her thumb up and down Lexa's cheek, wiping away the revealing tears which Lexa cursed at.

Clarke pulled away slightly, "it's okay," she soothed, "it's just me."

"Exactly," Lexa whispered, "it's you."

 _Fuck.._

Clarke leant back in, only hesitating briefly before closing the gap.

Lexa wasn't going to make the same mistake again, she wasn't going to show how scared she was. She couldn't afford to let the blonde know just how much she unarmed her.

 _Just give her this,_ Lexa thought, _give her something before she leaves anyway. Give yourself this. It doesn't have to mean anything._

Lexa pushed her lips against Clarke's harder, allowing her primal needs to take control. Her body pressed up on Clarke's, their tongues tracing each others, mapping out unchartered territory. She felt Clarke's moan deep inside her, knocking her sideways. She reached out to steady herself on the blonde in front, gripping at her coat, holding her against Lexa.

Lexa pulled back slightly and took a shakey breath, _well I wasn't expecting that,_ she thought before changing the angle and leaning back in.

Clarke moaned again, moving her hands from Lexa's face, sweeping them down her arms before settling them on her back, holding her close.

Lexa couldn't get enough, Clarke's skilled tongue managed to knock any thoughts out of her head. The kiss grew heated and Lexa couldn't stop her own moans from escaping which, going from Clarke's enthusiasm, were greatly appreciated.

Her hands were roaming feely now, grabbing at Clarke's loose clothes, her fingers were itching to remove them, pull them off Clarke, free her from her ungodly binds, _let her body be free for ruling over mine._

Clarke clearly had the same idea; Lexa felt the ties at the back of her neck loosen before the straps to her night dress fell down. She shivered at the cold breeze touching her newly uncovered skin, her dress caught at the top of her binding much to Clarke's chagrin.

She pushed against Clarke harder, wanting, needing to feel her touch more. Lexa didn't stop until Clarke was pushed up against the back of a chair, using it as a support.

 _Jesus, Lexa._

Lexa knew she should stop, it was going too far and there was still too much they didn't know about each other, but she couldn't bring herself to. Not when Clarke was holding onto her like she was scared to let go, not when Clarke was breathlessly kissing her like she'd never kissed before.

Clarke clearly didn't have the same reservations, one hand was currently pulling Lexa as closer as possible by her hip, the other was teasingly touching the skin on her collarbones.

"Clarke.." Lexa breathed out, unsure on what she was trying to say.

"Don't say anything, just, fuck, don't stop." Clarke pleaded.

Lexa needed to stop, she was getting in too deep, she needed to pull away, to back away from the kiss, from Clarke.

"Clarke.." She tried again, pulling back slightly she placed her hands on Clarke's shoulders. Taking a breath, she steadied herself, calling at any residual strength she had left in her bones to stop herself from falling back into those lips.

She took another deep breath, "I can't.. I'm sorry."

She left without another word.

Running back to the comfort of her own room, she stripped herself of her clothes and dived into the cold water left there from an earlier unused bath. She needed to rid herself of Clarke, of her hands, her smell, her taste.

She couldn't do this, she couldn't be weak. How had she gotten this close to her? How had the blonde broken down the walls she so delicately built over the moons? How did she manage to feel so bare and open to someone she barely knew?

This is why she was a threat, this is why The Commander's warned her, this is why she could hear her thoughts and desires. Clarke kom Skaikru could break her and everything she was. _If she hadn't already._

The cold had finally settled into her bones, her heartbeat had returned to normal, her breathing had steadied out and her wetness wasn't just pooled in the crease of her legs anymore.

Climbing out of the bath, she dried herself off with some furs before climbing into bed, she wasn't going to sleep tonight that's for sure, but maybe she could just mellow out for a bit, gather her thoughts before talking to Anya tomorrow, maybe Anya will know what to do.

 _Fuck, Lexa.._

Jok. How could she have forgotten how close Clarke was? Jok. How could she forget even for the slightest moment?

Lexa rolled onto her back with a groan, silently hoping Clarke would fall asleep soon, fruitlessly praying to the previous Commanders for some peace and quiet.

 _Oh god, Lexa.._

Of course, no one would help, of course she was stuck in this situation. She could get out of bed, get some clothes on and leave, she could call Anya to her room so she wasn't alone, she could collect some pots and pans and create a noise louder than the blondes thoughts but something kept her steeled to the bed.

 _Just like that Lexa.._

Jok. JOK. There was no way Clarke was..

 _Fuck, Lexa yes.._

Apparently Clarke was, she shouldn't listen to this, she needed to go.

 _Oh god.._

Okay maybe staying a little bit longer wont hurt anyone.

 _Don't stop Lexa, please.._

The wetness returned tenfold along with her guilt. Could she really listen to such a private moment?

 _I'm so close.._

Lexa groaned again, yes she could. Quietly slipping her hand down her stomach she relished in the coat of juices that instantly welcomed her. _No one would know._ Slipping her fingers round in a well practised dance, she felt the aftermath of being close to Clarke, _maybe she could get used to this._ She knew she wouldn't last long, not with the blonde moaning in the room below, just the image of what Clarke was up to was enough to captivate her, but hearing her as well? Lexa didn't stand a chance.

Normally, she would have been embarrassed as how quick she was built up, how ready she was, how eager she was to call out the blondes name as she fell over the edge but she was too far gone. She held out impatiently, waiting for Clarke, wanting to join her in the ultimate release.

 _I'm.. I'm.. LEXA!_

There it was, the cry Lexa was holding out for, the pinnacle of her exploration. Her eyes rolled back, her back arched to the ceiling, her spare hand pulled at the furs beneath, "Clarke!" She cried out.

Her legs shook and her busy arm ached, her head cloudy yet void of all but Clarke. She rode the wave as she knew Clarke would be doing, enjoying herself in the moment, for she knew it would be a while before she could enjoy such pleasure again.


	7. Chapter 7

"You did WHAT?"

Lexa cringed, maybe she shouldn't have told Anya what she got up to last night, "I know.."

"Obviously you don't, you did WHAT?"

Lexa couldn't stop the guilty look taking over her face, she knew she shouldn't have listened to Clarke, but _jok,_ there was no way she could've stopped. "I know Anya!"

The disappointing shake of Anya's head did nothing to stop the guilt washing over her, "Lexa.."

She sighed, understanding what Anya was saying. She used the gift, the _burden_ , for her own pleasure. There wasn't anything gained by doing what she did, it didn't help the council, the 12 clans, or her. She could almost feel the previous Commander's turning in their grave, regretting their decision to ascend Lexa.

"I just don't understand?" Anya signed, "well, at least you know the attraction is mutual."

"I am not attracted to her!" Lexa demanded.

Anya laughed at Lexa's exasperation, "I don't even think you believed that lie, _Heda_."

"ANYA!" Lexa shouted before she was cut off by a knock at the door, "enter" she called out, grateful for the interruption.

"Commander..?" A timid voice called out.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered, she wasn't expecting this.

"I'll give you some room, Heda." With a final sigh, Anya left the two alone.

Clarke walked further in the room, making sure the door closed behind her. "We need to talk about last night."

Lexa cringed, _did she know? No, there's no way she knows, she wouldn't be happy to see me if she knew. Would she?_

"We do," Lexa gestured to the normal seating area, "please, sit." She had a feeling she didn't want to be standing up for this.

Clarke didn't wait long before sitting down opposite the Commander, she was nervous and Lexa didn't know what to make of it, "so.." she started.

"So.." Lexa repeated.

Clarke shook her head before finally speaking, breaking the awkward silence, "I'm sorry for last night."

"What? Why?" Lexa asked, surely she had to be the one apologising?

"For kissing you, I don't know why I did it. I shouldn't have thrown myself at you. I'm sorry."

Whatever Lexa was expecting, it wasn't this. Clarke was so sure last night, she knew what she wanted, she took what she wanted, and now she was taking it all back? Lexa didn't want to acknowledge the hole left in her stomach at the blondes admission.

"I just hope this does nothing to jeopardise our chances at an alliance." She continued.

Lexa shook her head, unsure on what to say to the Skaikru leader, "Clarke.." she started but paused, what could she say? _I'm sorry for kissing you back? I'm sorry for leaving? I'm sorry for getting off listening to you?_ _Jok._

Lexa sighed into her hands, brushing fallen stray hairs behind her ears as she went, what was it about the blonde that left her so defenceless?

 _I wish I could take it back._

She lifted her head up and looked at Clarke, she looked just as defeated as Lexa did, clearly affected like Lexa was.

"I don't want your apologies." Lexa whispered at Clarke, quickly looking away before she could gage her reaction, "what happened last night, as grand as it was, it can't happen again."

"It can't?" Clarke asked before stopping herself, "no, your right, it can't happen again."

 _I can't get attached, I can't do this, not if everything goes to plan._

There was so much Lexa wanted to say, so much she wanted to ask the blonde, so much she needed to know, but she couldn't just come out and ask. _Oh hey, by the way, what the jok are you thinking about? Why are you being so cryptic? Why can't you think simpler things so its easier for me to understand your thoughts? Oh and if you could, if its not too much bother, can you touch yourself thinking about me again? Because that was simply fantastic, thank you._

No, Lexa couldn't let Clarke find out about her burden, it would change everything, she'd loose her trust, and that wasn't something Lexa wanted to loose.

"Was there anything else you needed to talk about, Clarke?" That question was harmless enough.

 _Just tell her, tell her how you feel, tell her everything._

"I.. I don't think so.. I'll leave you alone now." She stood up and walked quickly to the door, refusing to look Lexa's way as she went, "I'm sorry for disturbing you." She opened the door and left without another word.

Every fibre in Lexa's body was calling out to follow her, to grab her, pull her back and never let go but she couldn't. She couldn't be that selfish, she couldn't just do whatever she wanted, she was The Commander, she didn't have the luxury of following feelings. _Head over heart. Clans over Commander._

She had to let her go, she had to move on, to forget all about her.

 _Lexa.._

She rolled her eyes, apparently that was going to be impossible with the blonde still a floor below, currently thinking about her.

Throwing on her Cape, she left her chamber for a walk.

Was it impossible to have a cushion made for this throne? Would it seriously make her look that much weaker? How can she be expected to sit through candle mark after candle mark of such tedious, irrelevant, petty arguments while still having the ability to feel anything other than pins and needles in her behind?

It wouldn't be that hard to secretly commission one been made for her, but Titus would never allow it. _The Commander can't be seen as anything other than the ultimate strength, the most powerful being. The Commander doesn't need padding for her bottom._

Lexa stealthily shuffled around, making it look like she was simply changing position whilst still looking enthralled by the days meeting rather than getting into another position so she could gain some feeling back, but from the disapproving look Titus was sporting, she hadn't been as sneaky as she wanted.

She ignored him, looking back at the two Ambassadors currently arguing over the fluctuation of prices for crops in the winter. Lexa barely suppressed an eye roll knowing that the prices hadn't changed since before she was ascended, but she knew the Ice Nation were struggling after the downfall of the Queen. They were pulling out all excuses and eventualities, trying to find their way back into being a respected clan, not feared or judged anymore. Lexa almost felt sorry for them.

"I think that's enough for today," Titus spoke loudly, calling an ending to the meeting.

Lexa almost hugged him she was that grateful.

"Commander, may I have a word in private?" Titus asked once all the Ambassadors left the room.

She nodded her head at him, granting him permission to stay behind.

"I wish to enquire about Clarke kom Skaikru, Heda."

She nodded her head once again, this time granting him permission to carry on.

"How much do we trust her? No one is entirely certain as to why she's still here, she hasn't proven her worth yet, there is no alliance and the wounded warriors are still calling for justice. It won't be long until they call for your leadership to be looked at if this continues."

Lexa jumped up from her thone. "My leadership will not be looked upon if my seconds, if my generals, if my Flemkeeper, do their jobs." She snared, "you are to _advise_ me, not _question_ my decisions, you would be wise to remember that."

"Of course, Heda, I apologise."

She walked out of the meeting room angry, she knew where Titus was coming from, she understood everything, and she couldn't be called out again like this.

She entered the room without knocking. It was her room, her tower, her city, she needed no one's permission.

Although thinking about it, there was nothing wrong with some manners.

She just wished she remembered that when she walked the unsuspecting room to find a certain blonde engaged in an activity which she shouldn't be privy to, _again._

"I'm so sorry!" Lexa called out before running back out the door. She fell back against in in despair, running her hands through her hair she didn't attempt to stop thinking about the blonde, like that, again.

She couldn't stop the groan that left her lips, she really was a treat for the eyes, _and every other part of Lexa's body._

The door behind her suddenly opened, resulting in Lexa's ungracefully falling flat on her back. Scrambling to her feet, she flushed in embarrassment, "Clarke!"

"Commander! I'm so sorry!" Clarke held her hands out, helping Lexa steady herself, "are you okay?"

Lexa cleared her throat before answering, "yes.. I'm fine, I.. Thank you." Lexa scoured the door, mentally counting how many fires she could make from the betraying wood before remembering where she was. Her eyes returned to the blonde and she gasped, her oceanic eyes were darker, lust filled and wanton, her cheeks were flushed and she was ever so slightly out of breath. Lexa couldn't stop her eyes from travelling lower, to a haphazardly thrown on shirt, trousers with a mechanism that was unlocked, and a hand behind held out to the side awkwardly. She blushed and looked away when she saw her fingers, wet and shiny, glint in the candlelight.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your.." Lexa stopped to briefly look around the room, she was glad at what she saw, "alone time."

"I'm sorry you caught me like that." Clarke embarrassingly replied, "what can I do for you?"

Oh right, the reason she came here.

"Yes! I.." _Jok_. Lexa couldn't remember. "I.." Well if Lexa wasn't embarrassed before, she certainly was now.

"Lexa?" Clarke probed, a small smile slowly creeping up on her face as she was realising Lexa's problem.

"Just.. I came for.." _JOK. Think of something. ANYTHING._

Lexa looked around the room, hoping something would stand out, trigger any sort of excuse as to why she disturbed Clarke but nothing helped. Only thinking of one solution, Lexa brushed past the blonde as she walked out the door, "I'm sorry, I must leave." _Goufa._

"Anya.." Lexa warned her second, her laughing was beginning to grate on her.

"I can't.." Anya gasped between laughs, "you seriously fell over?"

"Yes." Lexa grumbled once more, she had already answered these questions.

"And then ran out?" Anya asked again.

"Yes." Lexa rolled her eyes, frustrated at her friend. Why did she like her again? She was The Commander, she could find friends if she wanted. She didn't need her second did she?

The again, if she was in Anya's position, she can't imagine she would do anything differently.

"Anya!" She called out but it was no use, the second was lost in her laughs, picturing a flustered Commander running away from a little blonde girl.

Where was the epitome of power?

Gone when Clarke was around apparently.

A knock at her chamber room door was gladly welcomed, "enter" she called out.

"Heda" the brute of a guard spoke, "there is a small gathering of Skaikru outside the gates, they say they're here for the girl."

She nodded her head and let the guard leave, his words sobering up her second he did.

"Pass me my cape, gather everyone, meet me in the war room."

Anya nodded her head, handing her Heda the items she needed to harbour fear.

Lexa didn't wait long before Titus entered the war room alone, she knew that Titus, Indra and Anya would have questioned the Skaikru before they were allowed to step foot in Polis.

"Well?" She asked, straight to the point.

"They're here to speak to the blonde, they say that's all their intentions are."

She nodded her head, "grant one permission, everyone else is to stay outside the walls until I am satisfied that they are not a threat, I'll go and inform Clarke."

Titus left to follow his leaders orders, she followed him out of the room wordlessly, there was no way she could forget the reason she was visiting the blonde this time, _surely not._

She found herself in front of the blonde's door, only knocking this time, there was no way she was making the same mistake this time, _surely not._

Clarke opened the door and smiled, "Lexa, you knocked."

Lexa laughed, gingerly stroking the back of her neck, "may I come in?"

"Of course."

Walking past the blonde, she made her way to the centre of the room, the most neutral place, away from any walls, chairs, beds, tables, balconies, _oh that would be good._ She was getting off track before she had even started talking, shaking her thoughts out of her head she turned to face the blonde.

"Your people are here, Clarke, they say they've come to talk to you."

The colour drained from the blondes face, "who?"

"I do not know any names, is this a problem?"

 _They will ruin everything, they can't be here, they can't see me. I can't do this._

Lexa reached out, wrapping her hand around the blondes she didn't like how scared Clarke was sounding, "Clarke?" She asked, hoping now would be the time she would open up to her.

The blonde shook her head, stopping Lexa from speaking again. She squeezed the hand holding hers, it comforted her, grounded her, held her safe when she knew she wouldn't be for long, but she couldn't tell Lexa this, not if they wanted an alliance.

Lexa couldn't take her eyes off the blonde, they shone with unfallen tears, her lips wobbled with unspoken words, her shoulders shook with the weight of the world dragging her down, "talk to me, Clarke, just talk to me, _beja."_

"I can't." She brokenly replied.

"Beja." Lexa begged.

The blonde shook her head again, silencing Lexa. Her eyes rested upon the brunettes, both of them pleading each other. One asking for words, the other begging for none. They needed each other like a purpose. Polar opposites, repelling one way yet pulling another way, destined to be tied together somehow, but unwilling to admit it to themselves.

The pull became too much for Lexa, and she couldn't stop herself from leaning in, needing to be closer to her magnet. Clarke met her in the middle, lips mirroring their joined hands, fitting together like two parts separated at birth. Tongues twisting, breaths mixing, pain shared and burdens lifted. It was everything to them.

"Clarke?" They were interrupted by a bellowing voice belonging to a boy in dire need of a haircut, "is this the reason you left? Is this the reason you won't come home? For some piece of ass? Who is she?"

Lexa growled, stepping in front of the blonde as she prepared to unleash her wrath. Who was this jokka who dared interrupt them? Who dared insult her, The Commander?

"Lexa wait.." Clarke pleaded, grabbing onto Lexa.

The boy continued, "she's got you whipped as well? Seriously Clarke, what are you doing here? _With her?_ "

Lexa pushed forward, leaving Clarke behind she drew her sword. Stalking him gently, she raised her sword, ready for a deathly blow. "Tell me your name" she calmly demanded.

"LEXA DON'T!" Clarke's cries went unanswered.

"Tell me your name, I will not ask a third time." She stopped in front of him, her sword held at the base of his throat. He may have been taller than her, but her power clearly ranked his.

"Why?" He dared to ask.

She pressed her sword harder against him, warning him "so I know who's death to report for disrespecting me."

"LEXA PLEASE!" Clarke's cries continued to go unanswered.

The nameless boy cried out in shock, "what? Who are you?" Panic spread across his face, "Clarke!" He tried, "Lexa?"

She growled at his insolence, "you dare speak my name? You come in here, _boy_ , without knocking. You interrupt us, _boy_ , without apologising. You insult me, _boy_ , Your Commander, and yet expect me to show mercy?"

"C-C-Commander?" The boy stuttered.

She released his neck from her sword edge, "guards!" she called out, "sis em op."


End file.
